Pensive

Pensive

I crave meaning.

 

I want to know why people do and say the things they do and say. Or at least I think I do.

Deep thoughts lead to over analyzing, and over analyzing leads to creating my own meaning. But who am I to attempt to connect meaning to something someone else said or did, when I cannot even attach real meaning to half of my own actions and words?

I’ve been struggling lately with the idea of ‘being genuine’.

Why is it that I feel like I put on a facade every time I step through the doors of my work place? Why do I feel obligated to appear happy, excited, and bright eyed?

Why is it that I feel like half of the people who know me, don’t know me at all?

 

 

Damn, this I’m being way too pensive again.

Daily One Word Post

Robots in training

Robots in training

It’s a strange and scary feeling when you realize that without your iPhone… you are completely alone.

I have always been infatuated with technology – especially computers and cell phones. I remember when my dad would call my mom from a pay phone when he was on the road, I also remember him getting a ‘car phone’ for work…which was literally a phone installed in his car! I unknowingly witnessed Apple change the world with the creation of the iPhone, and now I cannot even imagine how people functioned without the ability to constantly communicate with others.

As I’ve grown older computers have grown smaller, more complex, and more powerful. So powerful in fact, that I cannot even go a day (let alone a few hours) without interacting with some form of computerized technology. Whether I’m at work with my eyes glued to my monitor, or lying in bed scrolling through Pinterest, I am always plugged in.

Much like many of my twenty-something peers, my iPhone is an integral part of my life. It keeps me connected to my friends, my family, and the beautiful strangers I love to lurk on social media. I have answers, maps, photography, directions, and entertainment in my purse at all times…and I feel really weird when I don’t have it for any reason.

iphonee1
Art by: Banksy

My generation, and even more so the next, is not only reliant on technology but also dependent.

I was inspired to write about this today because my eyes feel like they are going to melt out of my face from staring at screens all week…and it’s only Wednesday. I love the power that is encapsulated in such a tiny device, but I also feel as though I no longer hold the power.

I try my very best not to obsess over social media, but I am telling you right now IT. IS. HARD. I even resorted to deleting my Snapchat recently because when I think about it too much I feel like an idiot for wasting my time sending endless selfies to my friends who really don’t give a shit.

But, even in the few days without this one App I feel as though I am missing out on the interactions that come with those ridiculous selfies. My friend’s “snapchat stories” are how I keep track of where they are, who they’re with, and honestly how they’re doing. Socialization has shifted so dramatically that I watch my youngest sister have full blown “snap conversations” with her friends, and even though her phone is glued to her hand she rarely answers the phone to speak with actual words.

technology
Art by: Banksy

The only real point I want to make within this post is that technology is amazing, but so are genuine, face to face conversations with the people we love. My boyfriend and I communicate daily via text because we live in different states, sometimes even different countries. Face Time is honestly something that has strengthened our relationship, and probably made our long-term long-distance possible…but it doesn’t hold a candle to the real thing.

So enjoy all of the amazing, trashy, hilarious pictures, memes, and videos on Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, Snapchat, and all of the other technological indulgences you choose…but find time to ditch the robots for a few hours, and spend some real time with the humans you love.

 

 

Underestimate

Underestimate

To My Sisters,

You are valued. Each of you have a separate, unique place in my heart. Each of you inspire me to be better. Each of you light up a part of the world that you may not always see.

You are beautiful. Be confident in that, own that. Realize how stunning you are on the outside, and continue to bring that beauty within. It’s hard to see these things when you look in the mirror, but I’m telling you now. Honest to God, each of you are beautiful.

You are talented. Use that talent, don’t let it go to waste. Be more than you are today. Work hard. Find excitement in leaving your comfort zone, and never let anyone tell you that you “can’t”.

You are loved.

Each one of you. More than you may ever realize, to the moon and back.

Never, ever underestimate yourselves. I cannot wait to see what each of you accomplish.

Yours Forever,

Your Sister

Daily One Word Prompt

Vision

Vision

Noun. 2. the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be.

 

Does having vision as a woman mean you’re driven and goal oriented, or could it be that having vision limits your ability to fully explore your potential?

As a twenty-something who is overwhelmingly unsure of her place and purpose, having “vision” for the future has proved detrimental. Anticipating what will come to be turns in forcing pieces of a puzzle together, and making choices based on a perceived end result.

I have had “vision” my entire life — I saw myself winning championships, getting an athletic scholarship to division one program, and playing professionally. I made all of those things happen. I worked incredibly hard, and sacrificed many things, and forced all of my puzzle pieces together to create that picture.

While many see this as success, I can’t help but wonder what other pictures I could have created for myself. What other opportunities, people, places, and talents I could have discovered. I cannot help but wonder how different my life would be if I would have understood then that having vision doesn’t have to be so incredibly narrow.

I am not complaining, nor wishing to change my past. I am incredibly thankful for the endless opportunities that soccer has provided, and I truly value the lessons learned from life as a competitive athlete. I simply hope to be able expand my vision going forward, and not limit myself to predetermined expectations.

I am working hard not to anticipate my future. I do not want my life to be guided by end goals that I set for myself based on expectations created, and perpetuated, by society. I do not want to be driven by what I think will come of my actions, choices, and experiences. Instead, I want to slow down and actually see what’s surrounds me in this moment, and not live such a limited life.

I fully intend on remaining driven, hard working, and goal-oriented. It’s simply time to take the blinders off and get out of my own way.

Daily One Word Prompt